I cant breath

My heart is racing.

I saw what was written on your wall.

“In a relationship”

I’m happy?

That’s a lie.

Your happy.

I’m glad.

I sit here,

Unable to sleep.

Unable to think.

To move

To live.

To Love?

No.

That’s not true.

I love you.

That one thing I still can do.

As much as it hurts.

Is too much really a problem? (PG-13 post!)

Is it really possible to have to much of a good thing? Well, i guess that depends on what that thing is. In this situation its rock climbing. I'm wondering if i will ever get tired of it. I have climbed outside  3 separate times in the last 2 days! It never seems to get old. A climbing buddy of mine said today (over our free-99 dinner) "I think I'm addicted to climbing". Some one asked if he'd ever give "sexual favors" in order to climb. We had a long discussion about what it would take for that to happen. He decided that an all expenses paid trip to climb in patagonia would be the only thing that he would get down on both knees for. I guess the reason for (i apologize) this rather raunchy post, is to ask if there is a CA group around (climbers anonymous). well, I guess that would mean that someone had decided to quite climbing, which everyone knows isn't possible. 

Smashing Success

Last nights relay for life went quite well! My team of 11 set up a great camp site (with lots of food). We took shifts walking in pairs for 2 hours each shift. We all walked as a team from the start at 6 pm until 8 pm, then 2 members continued on, while the rest of us rested up and waited for our turn. We played light up frisbee and ate, a lot, while we waited. Kinda just chilled with tons of very enthusiastic relayers! It was so much fun! At midnight was the very emotional "lighting of the Luminaria". After which, me and my relay partner took our shift from 12-2am. Whew! 2 hours is really a long time to walk! We chatted about philosophy and such, and I told her stories of my grandma, who I was walking for. At 2 am, I went into camp (while she keep us walking) and woke up the next 2 in our relay. They got up and we had a ceremonial handing off of these blowup batons, did an "over-lap" (chuckle) with them, then went back and laid down. After about half an hour 4 of us were still awake in camp and decided to bring some hot chocolate out to our guys. They were very appreciative, and the 6 of us took a lap together before we headed back to camp and wished them luck. At 4 am we all went out and walked the final 2 hours as a team. It was awesome. Right about when the sun came up at 6 am everyone there took to the track for a last "victory lap" and that was the end of our 12 hour relay. Our team walked a total of about 30 miles! In all the entire relay raised 63,000 dollars for cancer research!! I would call that a success. I plan on relaying again next year, and will again do it to honor and remember my amazing grandma. Thank you.  

Relay time!

The day has finally come! Tonight, at the WSC stadium, we are going to relay for life! My team, along with hundreds of other people, will walk the track all night to raise money to fight cancer! If you would take just a second and click on the link at the left of this pagem you can give a last minute donation! Otherwise, I plan on having an excellent night, camping out and walking in relays.  I'll post pictures and the final results afterwards!

Peace

Remember, I'm this doing for my Grandma Monge. I will defiantly be thinking about her all night.  

new job!

sorry, been a while.   Not to bother. I finally found out yesterday that I will be an RA for next year at my college! For those of you either not in college, going to a weird college (you know who you are), or maybe its just been too long, an RA is a Resident Advisor. We basically are there to make sure our residents living in our assigned residence hall are getting what they need. I will resolve disputes been residents, enforce the rules, be an open ear and helping hand for any student in need of really anything as well as the mediator or liaison between the college and my residents. A pretty big job... I can't wait to start!

14er magic!

The day has finally come! Tomorrow afternoon I leave for my attempt on Uncompagre Peak! Me and three of my friends are driving down their tomorrow after class. We're going to set up a base camp and then me and Chicago-boy will head for the summit that night, about 2am. We'll climb from the base around 10,000ft up to the summit at 14,634ft. Hopefully we'll get to the top right at sunrise, for some epic pictures and, of course, video! I was talking to our admissions councilor today, and the climb came up. He asked me to make a video of the trip. He even offered me a little camcorder to take, haha! I told him I had one, so I'm gonna use my Powershot digital camera for some sweet pics and some pretty good video. Look for that vid about a week or so after the climb. 

For the climb (as I've said) we're gonna use ice axes and crampons. Most of the climb is between 40 degrees and 70 degrees. There is one part towards the top that gets a little stepper and more technical. This will probably be the hardest part of the climb. We'll be low on oxygen and getting tired, but I think we'll make it through. I cant wait!!!  This will be so much fun!!

Well, this is gonna be my last post until after the climb (should be back sunday afternoon) so thanks for reading everyone. I'll put pictures up as soon as I can!

Until then, I hope everyone reads my previous post about my amazing Grandma, and then clicks on the link in the top right of the page and donates to the Relay for Life!

Thanks!    

My Reason to Relay

Well, the Relay for Life is approaching. About three weeks till we take to the track, on April 24th (four days before my B-day, btw :)  Anyway, as the relay approaches I would like to share some experiences I had with the person I am relaying for: my Grandma Monge. 

My Grandma and Grandpa have lived in Colorado as long as i have been around (by around I mean on the planet). We used to drive all the way out to see them about once every year or so, usually at christmas. We would stay at their ranch in the mountains. Just imagine a bunch of kids running all over this huge track of land! Their were horses, mountains to sled on, snow to romp in, it was always a blast! thanks in large part to Grandma. She would come out with us and help build sled runs, saddle up the horses with us. I remember one time, I was very young, and my sis and I were both riding on one horse and Grandma was leading it. I'm not really sure what happened, but I remember falling off the back of the horse! It didn't really hurt (probably because of the snow) but I remember Grandma coming around the back of the horse, helping me up and at the same time laughing. I'm not really sure why (perhaps the scene of a small child disappearing behind a horse) but at first I remember thinking, "hey, you should be worried!" but then I guess her laugh got into me and I wanted to get back up on the horse, keep having fun with Grandma. 

 Another time her and I were sledding in the backyard, i must have been a little older at this point because I remember more. There was a big pile of snow (perhaps from plowing the drive way?) and it formed a kinda mini cliff drop thing on one side. She convinced me that I should go down that side, face first, on my little plastic toboggan sled. I went for and dropped my face straight into a pile of powder! It took a minute for me to figure out why my face was so cold. Grandma of course thought it was hilarious, so I didn't move from my sprawled out crash position and she ran inside to get a camera. Such a fun day!

It was during one of these backyard excursions that Grandma effected my life in extreme sports the most. We had come back from a day on the local ski mountain. My mom always got me and my Sis day long group ski lessons. Anyway, when we got out of the car and came around the back, Grandma and Step-fodsher were carrying a a snowboard up the back hill. Her and Grandpa owned a ski rental shop in town, so I guess thats where it was from. Grandma and Step-fodsher where taking turns going down a little stamped out path they had made. Trying out the new-fangled snow device.  I naturally ran up the mountain to them and watched as they went down, having a blast! The next day Grandma and I decided to take a snowboard up to the real ski mountain and see what we could do. 

The next day was huge! We went to the mountain (pictured above) and both of us, i guess being a little scared of the board, just walked it up a little rise to the side of the main run. My memory is a little blurred here but I know starting from that day I was a snowboarder. Grandma and I took lessons together on the mountain. I remember always having such a good time with her. Not to long after this she got the diagnosis of cancer. They had to move out of the mountains and onto the front range (the metropolis, so to speak, of Colorado). Then the kemo started. That put an end to Grandma's adventures. But not her influence on mine. Every time I go snowboarding I think of her (which is a lot). One time this year I was riding the lift and saw an older man snowboarding down one of the harder green runs. He was having some difficulty, just like all new riders. I almost lost it just sitting there on the lift. Not really from the pain of losing her, or missing her so much, more from pure joy seeing an image that reminded me so strongly of her. I almost went down to the man and hugged him. It was like she was there with me again. Just cruising around on the mountain, having a ball.

 I will always miss my grandma, but she had such an important influence on my life as it is today. There are moments when I feel like she's right here with me. Like she hasn't left at all. I guess that means she really never left, huh?

thanks for reading, i went through a lot of emotions as I wrote this... More Grandma stories to come as April 24th gets closer.

 I'll never forget you Grandma Monge!

new heights!

So i was doing my usual perusal of youtube, seeing how some of my videos were doing, watching related ones 'n such. I decided to see how well I was doing in the world by typing in the name of my "production company" (Triangle Pass Productions) into youtube's search bar. By the time I had typed "triangle pas" it had come up in the drop down menu! "Did you mean 'triangle pass productions?"  why yes i did!!  

"I'm not alone"

As the song from Rent says, "I'm not alone".  I'm finally starting to see the light from under all of my homework! Ok, so that title doesn't make the most sense considering what I'm going to talk about. Actually it makes almost none... but its ok! I'm going to give you a re-cap of what has happened since the last time I posted (sorry, long time :<)  

Ok, first I did my taxes, then spent a week working on a really big group project for my visual communication class. We had to create our own (ridiculous) society and then make up a rite of passage ritual that one of our younger members must go through. We were a gang of umpa-lumpas (yes, the willy wonka kind) that loved to break dance. We made crazy masks and wore these huge green wigs with purple bandanas(pictured above). Then we did a rap dance to some music I put together and made a younger umpa-lumpa learn the dance. It ended up being quite a lot of fun, but it did take a lot of time and effort. 

On top of that I was doing two papers and another biggish project for another class plus studying/worrying about a history of the middle east test. yikes! 

Ok, now through all that I had one thing (well many, but relax k?!) on my mind. Our local ski mountain closes soon! (It actually closed today!, sad...) I was working on a ski film that I needed desperately more footage for. My Ski-Bro and I got up early on tuesday and thursday to go film for that. Which involved having a great time, but also throwing ourselves off of cliffs that, in many cases, we could not land... At least it was powder, right? Never hurt to much, but really wore you out! Look for a link to an excerpt of that film before to long. 

This past weekend I did the work for a very important project in my outdoor leadership class. My partner and I had to lead a community activity. We decided to teach "at risk" kids how to rock climb. We went through an organization similar to "big brothers, big sisters". On saturday we taught a smallish group of kids and their adult partners how to tie climbing knots, belay, and basics of rock climbing. It was really fun! but again very waring... I was toasted afterwards. But, it was such a nice lookng day that, after all the kids left my partner and I decided to hike about 2 miles (in a lot of mud) to a good outdoor rock climbing place. It turned out to be way to cold to climb (bare hands and sub-freezing temps do not mix well). I got to the first bolt of the sport climb before I gave into this fact. Then of course I had to make a very sketchy down climb. But all together it was a very fun excursion. We ca say that "well, now we know where to go..." haha! 

Yep its been a pretty crazy week. 

Thanks for keeping an eye out for my posts, I'll try to never go that long in between again.

Peace! 

What happens when all your profs collaborate...

Ever get that feeling that all of your professors have talked to each other and are devising a perfect plan to make your life as hard as possible? well, I think mine have, judging by the inordinate amount of papers, projects and exams in these next few weeks. But not to worry! My Angel has supplied me with the necessary tools to make it through. She forced me (not really, but it was her idea) to make a list of all the crap I have to do. This was actually surprisingly helpful! Every night I look at the list (add something if necessary) and decide what I have to do first, how I need to prioritize, ect. With out that I list I would totally be freaking out. Also, our one year is coming up very soon, and just thinking about that is making me happy, not to mention giving me something to look forward to in the near future. Also on that note (looking forward to cool stuff) I am still very exited about the relay for life coming up April 24th! I am actually listening to our college radio station as I write this and I just heard a PSA about the relay!! How cool is that? I will be writing a post in the very near future about my grandma (who I am relaying for) and how much she impacted my current life, so look for that hopefully by the end of the night. Until then it's time to go for a quick stress relief climb then some more HW. Peace.

Lighting F/X Competition: Update

Remember last weekend when I told you about my Buddy Bud and I winning that Lighting Design competition at USITT? well I have some more news on the subject! First, they finally uploaded our design onto their website. Check it out here. Most of the page is describing to other lighting professionals how to recreate our design. It tells what gobos we used where, the color gel we had, ect. On the left side of the page is a link that says "Launch Video" this will play a recreation video of our design. Enjoy!  Oh, also, last time I said Apollo Lighting would be sending us one prize package of gear, but they recently told us that we both designed the effect, we would both get the stuff! They said they will send it in the next few weeks. Can't wait to rock my Apollo Lighting Design hoodie, lol!  anyway, enjoy the effect. Peace.  

Excited!!

Ok, a little bit of exiting news. I have some fun stuff coming up that i wanted to let you all know about. First, in two weeks, on April 11th and 12th I will be attempting to climb Uncompagre Peak (Pictured). It is the 6th highest mountain in Colorado and the 35th highest in North America. A total of 14,321 feet. The upper slopes will be covered in snow fields and ice, so my partner and I have decided to use crampons and ice axes! A technique I have alway wanted to try. Don't get me wrong, I have experience in using both of these tools, however not on a large scale mountain. We will also be employing a rope team. Basically, we will be tied to each other and climbing at the same time, so if one person falls, the other has a chance to stop them before they go careening off the mountain (basically, through your axe in a solid hold, stomp your crampons in and prepare to take a mighty force, all in a few seconds. Actually, thats about all there is to it...). Also, if there is a more technical section, one person can 'lead' the pitch while the other belays, and then vice-versa. If we reach the summit it will be my first 14er, and my highest summit yet! Not to mention my first 'winter' ascent. (I say winter because it pretty much will be up there.)

Now my second piece of exiting news. On April 24th I will be participating in a relay for life held at my school. I joined a team put together in one of my classes, and we will be walking the track (in relays, go figure) all night! I am exited to do this because I have always wanted to. My grandmother was very important in my life (she taught me an appreciation of adventure and the outdoors, not to mention how to snowboard!) and she died of cancer when I was still very young. Also my aunt had cancer a few years ago as well as multiple other members of my extended family. I want to relay to put an end to cancer. So no one else has to lose their grandmothers the way I did. Grandma Monge, this is for you!

More info to come as both of these events get closer.

sorry ya'll

I must first apologize for my lack of posting these last few days. They have been pretty rough. As you know, I am fighting both bronchitis and tonsillitis. On friday night I started taking the antibiotics that the doctor gave me. Well guess what? Ya know those nasty side effects on the side of the box, that you think will never happen to you? yeah, they all happened to me, all at once. I spent yesterday in my bed trying not to move. I laid there watching comedy central and sleeping all day. I didn't actually get that much sleep because ppl kept calling me asking for stuff. It was pretty annoying, but oh well. I got enough sleep last night to kick the side effects and I am hoping I am on the right track to being completely better! Yay! Well, I've got to go work on the mound of homework I didn't do yesterday... Keep reading!

My Angel

She is so amazing. When I stumble, she catches me. When I fall, she helps me up. I share her worries and she shares mine. I don't know what i would do without her. thank you.

Powder dream: on command

Ok, as you probably have figured out my Buddy Bud from home is out here visiting me for his spring break. We have been: climbing? Check. Gone to classes? Check. Gone snowboarding in fresh colorado powder? Check! 

We have been planning this trip for months. We had agreed that the only day we could go boarding was on thursday. At the beginning of this week it was in the 60's! I was quite concerned that we wouldn't have any good snow. So you can imagine my surprise waking up this morning and seeing 10 inches of fresh powder! It was almost as if someone had order it all, and it was just waiting for us to tip the delivery man and go shred it up! So, we did. Well, with out tipping that pesky delivery boy. It was an epic day of gnar. Very well timed. 

If you can do it once, do it again with a camera

Remember yesterday when I told you about how good climbing is to relax, and free your mind (cheesy, I know just roll with it). Anyway, today we went back to the gym and this time we brought a camera! My Buddy Bud finally got that R7 thats been bugging him (yay!!!!) but I am still looking for a repeat on my A11. I keep getting stuck at the crux move (go figure). We did the usual bouldering but this time we added some top roping and I showed him how to do a prusik ascent(very fun). So, sit back, relax, and enjoy some pictures!

(Pictured above:

Top: ceiling crawl, nailing the heel hook on the R7

below that: a prusik ascent)

damn...

Ok, I told you at the end of my last post that I was headed for the doctor. Seeing as the doctor is just one floor down in my dorm building, that wasn't to hard. Anyway, the doc told me that I have both bronchitis and tonsillitis. She gave me an antibiotic that I hope works soon...

The Things that worry me... currently

Ok, this will probably be a reoccurring post, I just need to get all the stuff I'm worried about out there...

First is al the make up work I have to do from last week. A bunch of reading in COTH 222 (pretty much all of "uncle toms cabin"), then I need to learn a concept in MATH 105 before the test on friday! In visual communication my group is way behind on our group project, that will take time away from doing all the other stuff. In history of the middle east I need to find the notes from last week, because the person I asked to take them for me, skipped half the week, which is completely unlike her... 

Next is OLRM 283. There are two very big projects due in the next few weeks. The first is a 75 minute presentation. The other is a "community Leadership project" where a partner and I have to go into the community and teach an activity... 

After that comes Money, I have none. Leave it at that.

Behind money of course is taxes. They are approaching. I found a free service on campus that should be able to do them for me, but I'm still nervous, cause I have yet to find the time to talk to them.

I am also worried about my friend I told you about earlier. Things are getting better, but not over yet.

Finally I am worried about myself. I have been sick for awhile, so I am going to the doctor right now. And thats why I must go now, I'm late for my appointment. Hope this didn't bore you to tears, I just had to put it down.

Want to blow off steam? Try climbing ceilings!

At my school we have a part of our climbing gym that we call (affectionately) the cave. Its basically a smaller room that has been converted into a bouldering, well, cave. All four walls and, you guessed it, the ceiling are made into climbing walls. 

Tonight my Buddy Bud and I decided to head over to the cave and do some climbing (not that that is unusual, we do it pretty much every night). Today we did the usual routes, had some successes (I finally sent the A11!) and some set backs (climbing partner is still working on the tricky R7, no dice on the heel hook but he'll get it). After a good while climbing we were getting kinda bored of the usual routes, so we decided to climb across the ceiling. Basically climb straight up the wall, climb horizontally across the ceiling, then back down the other side. I'm not quite sure what your thinking right now, but this is not as easy as it sounds. Getting over the mental side alone, feeling like "I really shouldn't be able to do this!" is a challenge. However, it is the mental part that I find most rewarding. I can personally tell you that when you are hanging onto a few holds on the ceiling of a room, there is not a lot else on your mind. The only thing in there is how your going to do the next move with out losing your balance and decking(that would be bad). Its just you and the rock (in this case plastic, but bear with me, ok?). When I'm doing this I am completely free. If you asked me at the time what my biggest concern was, outside the gym, I would not be able to remember. It all goes away, blank slate. Its my chance to get a break from stress. To blow off steam. To just be as I want to be. Free.

the ol' switch-a-roo

Boy, life can really do a 180 in a hurry, huh? Yesterday I was walking on air, everything was going good. My friend texted me this morning, told me that one of her really close friends (a younger guy, who really looks up to her) was in the hospital. This is the third person of hers that is in the hospital this week. I am worried about her, so much bad is happening right now. I want to make sure she makes it through it all ok. I'll do everything I can.

Good News!

Ok, as promised, this is not a sad blog. Its a life blog!  So, keeping with that I have some excellent, amazing, awesome news!!!!! First, the back story. 

Last week I went to a technical theater conference in Cincinnati called USITT. At the conference I met up with my best friend (and techie) from HS. We had what can only be described as a Grand Old Time, learning new stuff, seeing all the newest theater technology. tearing it up. 

At the stage expo (pictured above) there was a booth holding a design contest. You got one light (a source four) and a combination of 3 gobos(cut out metal sheet to form a pattern in the light) and a gel(color additive). We played around for awhile, and eventually came up with a design we liked. We added a spinner(device that makes the gobos rotate) and turned in the design. We came up with a ridiculous name (Galactology) and called it done. We didn't really think much of it. That was on thursday. 

Today my friend arrived at my school for his spring break. Just after we got settled down in my dorm he got an email. It was from the people running the competition (Apollo Lighting design). They informed us that we got first place!!! We were completely shocked, I actually had to ask my partner in crime many many times why he kept saying, "WHAT?!" "REALLY?!" and staring at his computer. After the shock abated enough for us to think straight we called and emailed pretty much everyone we knew, with special emphasis on those who helped shape our theater careers. The prize is a significant amount of equipment given to our theater (well money to buy some) and some cool shirts and other stuff for us to split. Most notably a columbia jacket. The company will be posting our design on their website soon! Check it out at 'apollodesign.net' click on "design a pattern contest".

Hope you enjoyed my second post! Keep on reading and invite your friends :) thx

Why? In a world of blogs, one more?

  I just want to start off my blog with an explanation, of two things. The first is why I decided to make a blog. I know they've been around forever, and that I'm just another drop in the pond of millions of existing bloggers. I know what your thinking, another boring ass blog, yippy!! I hope not. My reason is this: this year has been especially messed up and hard, I don't want to make a whiny blog about how much life sucks, that would be L.A.M.E.! I just want a place to write stuff, get it out there. And don't get me wrong, I'm not just gonna write sad, depressing stuff, I will write my life as it is! No frils, no BS, just want I am doing: experiences, feelings, stuff I want to share, ya know. Life. 

The second thing I would like to explain is the name and the title of my blog. To that I will say this: Think about it. Analyze. Your all smart, witty, intelligent people. Use your knowledge of literature and the common condition of man. Have fun!  

Ok, now that I've rambled a bit time to post. Hope you come back and read more later!!